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I make Executive Decisions. All the time.

Without consulting my partner, or anyone else for that matter.

In my own defense it’s a learned behavior thats kept me afloat most of my life, and asking permission hasn’t really been my style.

BUT I am trying, and I am learning to communicate.

Really trying to slow down, consult, consider, and then take a deep breath, and reevaluate my choices taking into consideration what is best for both of us, not just what I want in the moment.

I have some unlearning to do, and I’m feeling like an old dog learning new tricks, and it doesn’t come easily. I suspect I am not alone in this.

Earlier this week I had a knee jerk reaction  and after writing it all down I stopped in my tracks, pressed save draft, and waited.

I had a profound epiphany that I wanted to get down on paper, then I realized that I couldn’t press “publish”. My epiphany didn’t just concern myself, and my own feelings.

Unlearning behavior is harder, more intricately woven into your mental processes and more often than not automatically deployed.

Ever drive yourself to work then wonder how you got there? You’re pretty clear on the starting point, and arriving at your destination, but have somehow blocked out the middle section. I drove across the I90 or 520 bridge from Seattle to Bellevue every day twice a day for 11+ years, and more often than not I’ve blotted it out.  It’s a high density, road rage compatible highway, and I drove it on autopilot. Scary huh?

It’s scary when you realize how many things you do without thinking. Automatically; as if you’ve tapped into your autopilot routine and your body takes off on your day and leaves the better part of your mind behind to float around in the ether-land of your thoughts.

It makes me wonder if I’m driving the elephant, or is the elephant taking me for a ride.

Regardless of who’s driving who, theres certainly an elephant in the room.

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